I've Never Met Him

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Stunning revelation from Radical Christian Right: "I've never met him."

CNN's Miles O'Brien and Catholic Leage President Bill Donohue discussing greeting cards that leave out Merry Christmas ...

O'BRIEN: I've got to ask you a quick question, Bill. What if Jesus got this card? What would he do? Would he be angry about it? He's be OK with it, wouldn't he?

DONOHUE: Well, maybe he would, but I've never met him.

Well hell ... finally a little honesty when the loudmouths behind the curtain pass a little gas that gets into the crowd in Oz.

Donohue's casual response to perhaps the most important question regarding the behavior and statements by the major players of the politically active Christian Right is stunning in its simplicity.

Why would or should American Christians listen to folks in a frenzy pretending to speak for someone they've never met and who has never expressed value judgments nor portrayed morality in the frenzied style we get to see every day?

They've never met the man! Yet they continue serving up highly odorous political religious crap that insults and embarrasses most believing Christians in this country.

They've never met Jesus.

Bill Donohue, James Dobson, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Tim LaHaye, Ralph Reed, Randall Terry, Roy Moore, Josh McDowell, Fred Phelps, Jimmy Swaggart, Bob Jones, or any other of their colleagues are not the modern apostles of the original Jesus.

and George W. Bush is not Jesus's Chief among them.

... and Ann Coulter is definitely not the new Mary Magdalene.

To the winners belongs the historical record.

The Stephen account - if read comparatively with the gospel accounts of the trial and death of Jesus - reveals itself as way too similar to the latter. It also establishes implied retroactive legitimacy to the "future" gospel of Paul by stating that when Paul was still a Christian persecutor, early Christian believers already understood Christ and his divinity in a context that justified the evolution of Catholic Christianity, the continuing theology that survived the Protestant Reformation and the very evangelical theology we face today.

Stephen's story is an act of fiction put in place strategically to offset the idea of Paul's interesting Gnostic leanings mingled with his Helenistic education. His story also serves as part of the anti-Gnostic foundation which remains in place today as an offset to the Gnostic rejection of the victorious Catholic theology upon which the Inquisition was justified.

One of the ultimate bullhockey moments would be a modern-day appearance of Jesus in short hair, no beard and a three-piece suite.

Otherwise, how could he get on the 700 Club?

How could Dobson stand to see him pal around with 12 other guys with whom he has intimate affection. It would only be more scandalous if Jesus and the 12 were in 3-piece suites.

And O'Reilly would tear his Sermons and Parables apart whether he was robed, bearded and long-haired or looked like Scott McLellan ... cause those sermons and parables ain't got no hate in them.

And woe be unto Jesus if Magdalene was there wearing a wedding band.

And if Jesus doesn't produce some time soon, he's gonna leave Lahaye, Robertson, Falwell and the rest of the literalists in a very embarrasing situation.

Those who bought the Left Behind books and then bought the reality described therein and proceeded to trash their communities with violence, hate and bigotry are gonna have all fingers pointing ... and Ole Karl'l just be smilin and still hummin "Onward Christian Soldiers."

And if Jesus doesn't produce some time soon, he's gonna leave Lahaye, Robertson, Falwell and the rest of the literalists in a very embarrasing situation.

Arthur Ruger 2005

Arthur & Lietta Ruger 2002-2008. The American Choice is a  political internet journal based in Bay Center, Washington. The views expressed not authored by Arthur or Lietta Ruger are the writers' own and do not necessarily reflect those of The American Choice or SwanDeer Productions. Permission of author required for reprinting original material, and only requests for reprinting a specific item are considered.