President's 4-year Employee Evaluation
WTP= We The People
George W. Bush
WTP: Mr. President, as is done every four years by law, we the people have met with you to complete
your employee evaluation in order that we may fairly decide whether or not to retain your services.
GWB: I don't see
why this is necessary. You guys need to stay the course with me. You don't change horses in mid stream (yuk yuk) .
Mr. Bush, there's another candidate for your job who says that if your horse is headed downstream toward the waterfall you
do need to change horses.
GWB: Yeah ... well ... that's a mixed message. I know that sometime - maybe 20 or 30 years
ago he said something opposite to that. That guy is a big time flip flopper.
WTP: Well, perhaps he did. But we are
interested in the wisdom that he and you have now about horses and streams. So let's proceed shall we?
GWB: Well, I'd
kinda like to wait and have my Vice President be here with me. We're a team, ya know, and there's people who say Mr. Cheney
is the best Vice President this country's ever had.
WTP: Mr President, is there some reason you are reluctant to meet
with us by yourself? Can you not deal with this evaluation directly and honestly as you should?
GWB: Well ... sure
... I guess ... but, you know, there are no secret service agents here. What if somebody holds up a sign or wears a T-shirt
with writing on it. How do I know some of you aren't against me?
WTP: Mr. President, we've already interviewed the
other candidate. He spoke to us without requiring that we swear loyalty and was willing to respond to any question we wanted
to ask. Are you saying that somehow you can't be accountable to people who disagree with you?
GWB: No, I ain't sayin
that at all. But, well, I tend to look bad cause I'm just a country boy from Texas and where I come from you don't take guff
WTP: Really? Well then why don't you just sit back and we'll "bring it on" like you asked? Now lets get
to the evaluation information and the resume you have submitted, shall we?
GWB: Yeah, it's about time. Now on September
11th, Saddam -
WTP: Just a minute Mr. President. Let's start by following the evaluation format. It's more orderly
and I understand that you prefer to work in a controlled, orderly and orchestrated manner.
GWB: Well, all right, but
we're much safer now that Saddam -
WTP: Mr. President, in the time prior to the catastrophe of 9/11 you had already
implemented the changes advocated by your conservative business backers. Your program of tax cuts simultaneous to a recession
was already having a financial toll on our national economy
GWB: Yeah, but we're turning the corner.
9/11, with some areas of our economy reeling, you remained steadfast in your tax-cut priority. Did it occur to you that the
additional cost of a war on terror would strain the economy even further?
GWB; You bet I did. But I'm a war president.
Remember that I'm an ex-fighter pilot. I know how to lead a country to war. It's what I do best. Just ask Dick, Rudy G., Arnold
and Zell Miller.
WTP: 9/11 left us more openly engaged in a war on world-wide terror and you have led the charge against
terrorists. But for now lets look at our economy. If I owned a ranch and entrusted you with managing my ranch what would you
expect me to do if you expended the majority of my anti-predator budget on one coyote in a remote 40 acres and then came to
me for more money from my general budget in order to actually maintain total farm operations? You're a Texas rancher. What
do you think I would do about your employment.
GWB: But the ranch'd be much safer because that coyote in that 40 acres
is gone and he could have moved another 40 acres and another 40 acres until he was at our door and threatening our home
So you say, but if, upon closer inspection, we find that the coyote was no longer a capable
predator because he had only
three legs, was blind in one eye and deaf ...
GWB: That's not fair! The ranch is safer. The ranch is safer. The ranch
WTP: Well, safe from that one coyote, I suppose. But now I, as the owner of the ranch, have had to borrow
money - lots of it - to keep the ranch solvent. Right now, my grandchildren will have to make payments to keep the bank from
taking over the ranch.
GWB: Well, it's only a pretend ranch anyway. But I need to be evaluated on other stuff. More
important stuff. You know that the single most important issue in this country is a constitutional amendment defining marriage
WTP: Mr. President, let's stick to the printed format, shall we? Now when 9/11 occurred the majority of the world
stood by our side, many telling us that globally, we allies were all Americans.
When is the last time we heard that kind
of sentiment abroad?
GWB: Well, there's Poland.
WTP: As an alliance on a global scale, the good guys have had
a jointly supported and enthusiastically initiated war only once since WWII. That was the first Gulf War. Since coming into
office you have intitiated two wars of aggression, curtailed civil liberties, seriously damaged international credibility,
either privately approved or publicly looked the other way when torture is practiced. You also appear to have little if any
problem with collateral damage in terms of civilian casualties. Are these the mark of a leader who is supposed to come across
as "presidential"; a national and international statesman?
GWB: We have a saying in Crawford, "Don't mess with Texas."
It's right up there with "Bring em on!"
WTP: I guess I'm beginning to understand you better. It has been said that
you have singlehandely achieved more terrorism than Osama Bin Laden could even hope to accomplish by the destruction of 9/11.
Because of the choices you have made, America is worse off economically, Iraq has tied up more of our troop strength than
we can afford, the world is worse off ecologically, Americans are reminded by your administration that they should be afraid
and make political decisions based more on fear than patriotic confidence in the United States of America. Homeland Security
has a scattered and inefficient application of resources. That's a hard act for any terrorist to follow. It may be that you
now hold the world record for bringing on the consequences of a terrorist act. Your record is a greater accomplishment than
Barry Bonds' 73 home runs.
GWB: Well, you know, I appeal to a Higher Father. We are in the End Times and Jesus is Coming.
A lot of Americans won't matter then cause if they are evil they aren't saved. They'll be left behind. You might be left behind
if you try to change horses in mid-stream.
WTP: About that notion Mr. President -
GWB: Oh, it's not a notion.
Those in the know say it's only a matter of a very short time.
WTP: Who are those in the know, might I ask?
The experts on religion are in the know. Pat Robertson who God told I would be President. Jerry Falwell says it's a matter
of time. Tim LaHaye says its about to appear gloriously. Ralph Reed says so. That's why we've got to stay the course.
Why is that sir?
GWB: Because when Jesus comes, Israel has to have the same boundaries it did when David was King.
GWB: And that's why we have to have a constitutional amendment on gay marriage. That's why we have to stop
abortions. That's why we have to make em pray in school. That's why we have to
export war and terror to all the enemies
of God. If we don't do it, the world will not be prepared and Jesus won't be able to come back.
WTP: Did Mr. LaHaye
tell you that?
GWB: They all do. I have been saved. God wants me to be president.
WTP: What does God tell you
about collateral damage? Does he think Iraqi citizens must die as a necessary price to prepare the world for the End Times?
Well, that's kinda hard. When I knew God wanted me to be President I didn't ask him about those kinds of things.
Don't you think that your Christian support base would widen even further if you could answer those kinds of questions. Some
Christians don't see the Biblical Jesus in what you do.
GWB: That's okay. As long as Pat, Jerry, Tim and Ralph are
on my side, I know that God must approve of what we're doing. Those guys are my friends in the eyes of God. We're supposed
to have dominion over the world and that's what's going to happen.
WTP: Well, I suppose then that God approves of an
increase in poverty among Christians and non-Christians in this country? Like you and torture, God looks the other way when
you make promises about family values and educating children and then don't keep the promises? Isn't that kind of flip flopping.
But ... but we're turning the corner.
WTP: Doesn't that mean that you are guilty of the same kind of thing you and
Karl Rove accuse the other candidate of? Aren't you now saying "Sure I promised more medical access, sure I was for no child
left behind and sure I was against nation-building. But that was before I went against it.?" That walks like a duck and talks
like a duck.
GWB: Well, I gotta go now. Can't be sitting around reading My Pet Goat ya know. (yuk yuk). But just remember
this. The world is safer because Saddam is gone. If you don't keep me in office, there'll be another attack. Vice President
Cheney said so.
WTP: The damage and consequences of which will be because your administration could have done more
to prepare, protect and secure at home, right?
GWB: No, that's not true. It won't be my fault. Bill Clinton and Al
Gore got us into this mess. Me and Dick and the neocons are innocent.
WTP: Well, if we owned the ranch you managed
into the ground - and we do own this ranch - we'd be giving you the pink slip and advising you not to use us as a reference.
Thank you Mr. President.